Dream!!

Today i woke up early in the morning , infact had been woken up by the dream i had. I saw the time in the clock, 3.20 am. Too early to get out of bed i decided & tried to forget all about the dream and go back to sleep. But all my efforts to forget what i just saw so vividly some 10 minutes back was in vain and my mind kept going back to that time when i was young & shy.

I was in std eight at that time, but was much older in my mind or may be i pretended to be. While my friends studied hard for exams, played hard during the two breaks we got, proposed to girls & went around with them , i kept myself with the books. I had an awkward pronunciation, i was slightly lispy and not comfortable talking to people. I felt i understood all i read but when i had to make others understand of my point of view i would make a terrible picture. I would speak a lot & fast but my heart would sink when i saw blank faces, without any trace of comprehension. I felt miserable when girls of my batch would give me strange looks. They always thought that i was different and behaved differently with me. While they would pick fights , play with other boys with gay abandon but with me they would talk cautiously. Always sensible things, not the inane girlish things & ways in which they would behave with others. I imagined myself talking to them without inhibitions , talking like most other guys of my batch did but couldn't. The respectful distance between me & the fairer sex continued. I would hear about me from third persons that some girl said, 'Harish is so proud'. It would hurt me but then i would console myself with the thoughts that girls were like that only, they would never understand or make efforts to understand good, shy guys like me. They would rather love & get hurt by the more vociferous of the lot, 'Boys' as they say.

Getting back to my dream which woke me up at such an unearthly hour, i had seen the 'girl', the girl one sight of whose stoked all my fantasies. The girl who i kept alive in my mind for next several years in the corner of my mind, cocooned from the severity of the world. She was the first one i loved & i loved her madly.

I had just come back from the school & was readying myself up for going to the playground when my father called me up. I thought he was summoning me up for errand. I went up to him rather reluctantly , making my displeasure evident but to my surprise in a soft tone he asked me to come home early. We had to go to a birthday party. I came back early, wore my best clothes and accompanied my parents. The place was some 10 kms of drive from our house. It was crowded with men,women & plenty of children.

I was as usual feeling lost seeing so many strange faces. I went & wished Ashish & gave him present which my father had bought in the way & sat in one corner of the room where a row of chairs were put for guests. from where i was seated i could peer & see in the other room occupied majorly by the female members. I was scanning the room & the people purposelessly for want of anything else to day then i happened to see her. She was the most beautiful creature which i had ever seen. She had a round moon shaped face, with flowing curly black hairs.She had a soft milk white skin & when she smiled , large dimples were getting formed on her rosy cheeks. And she was smiling very often , aware of the approving & admiring eyes which fell on her. She was surrounded by several girls, all chatting animatedly about something. Our eyes met and she smiled, then she looked away towards the woman who called her. That was it, the entire episode lasted for maybe 10 seconds but but time stood for me. She had transcended all the boundries & touched the soft cords of my heart & was she was to stay there for a long-long time as my consort.

good things in life dont last for long. my mother came looking for me & asked me to go to the jeep while went to bid her acquaintences goodbye. I went outside with a heavy heart , kept looking backward to catch a glimpse of her. But that was not to be. She was not be seen again, never again. I was restless for several days,kept thinking about her,kept looking her everywhere but never again i could set my eyes on her. But her presence grew stronger with time. She became more & more beautiful and closer to my heart.

I would avoid looking at pretty girls thereafter lest i should betray her. I would talk to her when i was alone, when i was feeling low, when i felt elated. She was mine, totally devoted to me , no one could take her from me, forever.

Our lives are so transient, constantly changing hues ,colours. i changed too. Over a period of time her memories started fading, i could no longer see her vividly & talk to her as i did initially. I was losing hope of ever seeing her again. I gradually stopped dreaming about her. Her smiles no longer enchanted me. I was forgetting her, like the seamen trying to hang onto their lives by clutching the last floatsam , i tried to stick to her memories but i failed.

For fifteen years i never thought about her, never saw her in my dreams until today morning. She was there, smiling and looking as beautiful as ever. She was saying something but i could no longer understand her. She stretched her hands towards me, i stretched mine too but before i could hold her hand , she started fading & disappeared abruptly. I woke up sweating.

i could not understand what was the meaning of the dream, why she had to come back to me after so long only to disappear again. But it brought back the life i had lead as a kid clearly once again..

Mumbai Rains!!

900 mms of rain in one single day, you can imagine the destruction it would cause...This is what happened in mumbai on 26th...sky poured its heart out & soon mumbai its suburbs were to witness to the worst deluge of their lives. the metropolis was converted into a zone of ruin & destruction, a necropolis to be precise with hundreds of men, women & children killed.

there are some pictures which reveals the fury of the nature....

silence

Silence is Golden!

random thoughts

ever wondered how do corporates work? how they make decisions? what goes behind these decisions?

in the campus, i had weird notions about all these. Always thought organisations were like behemoths & their actions were the result of the huge churning which this behemoth went through in the daily grind.

But two years down the line in the corporate world all those notions have been done away with. Now i realise most of decisions of organisations are discrete... its more often than aggregation of random thougts. The corporate honchos are looking out to do things differently , do things better. In their pursuit to improve they come across various thoughts/ideas one of which may catch their fancy. The more powerful the executive the more potent would be the implications such fancies. It could become a new strategy & if the boss is really powerful it could become a vision for the organisation too....